Match? Match I hear you cry, is there such a thing? It makes it all sound like a game of Snap. Well yes I think there is such a thing. Who do we match with? I think the first issue is to know who we are and what we are about. Once we know this then we can work out who we can possibly match with. That innocent comment is where a lot of people fall down. I am often surprised how little people take a good look at themselves. You may feel that you perfectly suit Brad Pitt or Pamela Anderson but then do you really know much about them?
Sure we often want to match ourselves with people of certain look and physical properties and that is entirely natural. However if we weigh 300 lbs and have never seen the inside of a gym then I think its fair to say that we may not be the perfect match to a sportsman or a model. Why? Well simply because nature tells us that we match with likes. On a base level we are here, says nature, to procreate and so we select accordingly.
That of course on its own would be too shallow a premise to write this article but the first element of any match is physical compatibility. Matching with someone on a purely physical level is not enough to last. Sex is a part of any relationship to some degree so looks do matter, even if to a small extent. After all you must be able to wake up next to that person for months or years to come, and you must want to be able to make love to them in some form, even if its simply kissing. I often here some people say that appearance is not important to them and I am always impressed. What they really mean is that looks are not important as along as you like the look of that person already. Looks are only ever important if you do not!
Many relationships fail where sex is missing or unsatisfactory, where physical contact in many forms is lost. When that occurs the foundations of a relationship can be rocked so we must say that appearance and therefore physicality in any match is an important factor. The first thing you may look at when you meet someone may be their eyes, smile, teeth, hair, handshake, kiss and physique etc. They are all physical attributes.
The other problem about matching physically is that we may not truly know how physically attracted we are until much further into a relationship we are. It may be sometime before physical intimacy is shared and sexual contact occurs. Therefore an emotional, even love, match may have already developed further. But we do try matching with people, look at fashion. The way we dress and the way we appear in daily life speaks volumes about who we are. Maybe money is tight and we don't have the cash to look our best. That is true. But what we can do for ourselves by way of presentation comes through loud and clear. Not making an effort is the biggest criticism I hear about guys on a first date. If a woman makes a great deal of effort then a man should respect himself and his date enough to look as good as he can do too.
Okay so we also know that in time appearance and the physical aspects of a relationship become far less important as we get to know a person emotionally and that mental contact with someone becomes far more powerful an influence. Yet initially matching with someone it is still extremely important. We all discuss, chat, talk, debate, joke, laugh, speak etc and it is all because we are identifying with each other and building the foundations of an emotional connection. It may be found in a shared experience or hobby, activity or event. It may be found in opposing powerful views discovered in conversation accompanied by profound respect and deep seated desire to extend this connection further. It may be that we share the same type of pet, a similar liking for certain foods even similar books we read, but they are emotional connections that are essential in establishing any connection. As we can see, initial matching is a complex scenario.
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